The Ethics of Sex

Spending time with the people we love is what makes life enticing, but there are, of course, challenges to face in these certain moments in our lives. We’ve all been through the drama and I believe that we’ve learned something out of it. There is, though, one specific thing that not all of us can master, which is showing respect or appreciation. Now, I’m not just talking about giving space when your partner needs it most or listening when your partner is stuck in uncomfortable situations or even cheering on for their successes. I’m also talking about what we do right after sex.

I’ve heard a lot of heart-wrenching stories from friends about feeling unwanted or unappreciated because of what their partners do after they are done experiencing the highest form of communication in relationships. Some of them take their phones and watch Youtube. Some of them turn to the side to click on the news channel. Some even just lay there in complete awkward silence. Maybe you think this is normal, maybe you think it’s horrendous and probably a few of you haven’t even experienced it before, so you don’t really know how to feel about it. No worries, I will totally dig deep into this topic.

Fair warning: this is a normal conversation to go through, at least for people who are mature enough to handle these types of conversations. Like I said in a post on Instagram, this is not a blog to get you turned on or horny. No, this is to give you some insight on how to be after sex. So, if you are not mature enough to know these important details, I still believe that you need to keep reading, because I don’t want you to keep being in the dark and not realizing what’s actually happening around you. Open your eyes and keep reading.

So, without further ado, let’s just get down to the points.

Always Say “Thank You” First

This is very important, why? You have no idea what they’re thinking inside their heads. They could be thinking, “Was I good enough?” “Did she/he like it?” “Did I do it right?” Of course, honesty is the best policy, but even in honesty, there should still be compassion. Like what Warren W. Wiersbe said, “Truth without love is brutality and love without truth is hypocrisy.” So, however it was, always say, “Thank you.”

Tell Them Your Favorite Moment

I was going for ‘position’, but I wanted to be not-so-Cosmopolitan and more poetic-sort-of-feels, so yeah, I picked ‘moment’. Why? Knowing your favorite positions is great, but I believe that feeling the moment is what counts. So, by saying, for example, “I loved it when we had this moment where our eyes met, you smiled, and you said that you love me. I could actually feel this enticing connection between us,” and so on, you are giving your partner assurance that you guys had incredible sex and you gave them such sweet appreciation.

After-Sex Talk Makes You Bond

Hug them, kiss them, laugh with them and have a deep conversation with them (well, not too deep, anyways) – Don’t take out your phones or turn on the TV or leave immediately. You don’t show them your gratitude just for them, you’re also doing it for you. Don’t be that douchebag who wants out the moment they came. Be the lady or the gentleman that appreciates deep connections and the art of sex itself. Like all religions say, sex is sacred. So treat it like one.

Be Present

This could mean spend that time with your partner and only give your attention to them. It could also mean observe the situation. By asking, “How do you feel?” “Was it good?” “How did I do?” you are showing your partner that you really do care how they feel and what they think during and after sex. This is crucial. You can’t fake this attention, you have to be real with it. If you can’t do this one right then you might as well not do it, because you’re not ready anyways. Like I said, sex is the highest form of communication, so you can’t possibly underestimate it. It’s essential to all living creatures. It’s what keeps us alive, at least that’s what a philosopher on the theory of psychology in communication context says – or more specifically, saying that “food, money and sex are three of the most essentials things humans need to survive.” So, treat it with respect, will you?

Weigh the Options

Okay, this is not an after-sex thing, it is actually a before-sex thing, but I think this is very important. You want to make sure that this person actually loves you sincerely before having sex. It’s easier to go through with it once you know that they have mutual feelings for you rather than when you have no clue or worse, when they don’t like or love you back. Don’t take the risk of hurting yourself by not knowing where your partner is headed with you when you don’t know what consequences you are going to face in the future. So, make sure they have mutual feelings for you before you guys have sex.

I am no expert on sex, but I do believe people should be more aware and conscious about these types of things. Part of the reason why I’m writing is because of the low education we had about this. Since our education and culture are so mixed up with religion, they completely brush off sex talk, as if it is the most taboo thing in the world when reallt, we should embrace and learn more of it so that we know what to do and how to do it the right way.